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26 Feb 2007

Looking for the Funny contd...

In my post Find the Funny in Everything, I wrote about how Stephen K Amos said that funny was all around us, we just had to look for it.

Well I can tell you that I have put out my 'funny feelers', and lo and behold I found some funny.

Most people think that working in a bookshop must be boring and geeky, and probably put it on a par with being a librarian. Well, you'd be wrong. It's a breeding ground for funny. My favourite line from a customer is: "I'm looking for a book..." You're in a bookshop! Of course you're looking for a book! However, this is not the funny I speak of, that is just an example of stupid.

Funny numero 1: A woman comes up to me at the information desk with a list of books she is trying to find. Well done to her for being prepared.
I take a look at the titles and hold back the chuckle trying to escape.

Book 1-How To Microwave: Discover The True Magic of this Amazing Appliance I kid you not. Surely when you buy a microwave it already comes with this book. It's called the INSTRUCTIONS! What's to know? You pop in your food, flick a switch and you wait for the Ping. Voila. This book is 125 pages, what could the author possibly have written for 125 pages? Maybe she wrote in font size a million. Anyhoo, on to the next book.

Book 2- The Classic 1000 Microwave Recipes.
If you can take the time and effort to follow a recipe, chop up ingredients and mix them all up. Why not just cook on a regular stove? It defeats the whole point of a microwave. Maybe I should have made her aware that you can actually buy ready meals now. M&S do some good ones.

Funny numero 2: As I was shelving some fiction, I came across the book Fried Green Tomatoes at Whistlestop Cafe. The author's name is Fannie Flagg !! Excuse me for being childish, but her name is Fannie Flagg. Her real name is Patricia Neal, but she couldn't use it in a professional capacity, as there was an already famous Patricia Neal. So, if she had to change her name, bearing in mind she could have chosen anything, the best she could come up with was Fannie Flagg. I suppose no one else is going to be called Fannie Flagg.

There you have it, funnies I found at work that made me laugh.

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20 Feb 2007

Find the Funny in Everything

The other night, our friends managed to get some free (I love that word) tickets for the recording of Paramount's The World Stands Up' - a showcase of stand up comics from around the world.

Now, you never know what you are going to get at these shows and can only pray that on the night that you go, the people performing are funny. Not regular funny, but make you cry, gasp for breath kind of funny. Funny with a capital 'E'! I wanted to laugh hard. My expectations were high since I had crossed the river and ventured into South London to go and see this thing, so the pressure was on.

None of us wanted to sit at the front, for fear of being picked on by the comic, so we found some seats a suitable distance away from the stage. i.e the first floor.

The comedians, whose names I don't remember (not because they weren't funny, but becuase I didn't catch them over the noise) were suprisingly funny. Some were funnier than others, but all in all a good night.

The only downer was the last comedian. He was NOT funny. It seemed like such a shame to end the show with him. He should be thankful I don't remember his name, so I can't name and shame him as much as I want. All that I can remember is that, he was a mumbly Irish man, sang a song about his kitchen drawers, talked about his eyebrows and did a little jig. Boooooooooo!!! Avoid at all costs.

The two I liked the most were Will Smith (no not the Fresh Prince of Bel Air), this Will Smith a floppy haired, unusually tall Hugh Grant type and Stephen K Amos. Both were hilarious (move over Nick Cannon.... anyone geddit?) Both had intelligent acts that tickled the audience into fits of laughter. They are both comedians I would love to watch again.

Stephen K Amos said something along the lines of 'finding the funny in everything, because it's happening all around you' and it's true!

Anyhooo... here is a little taster of Mr Amos' act when he performed in Melbourne. Enjoy and laugh heartily.

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9 Feb 2007

White Out

As we all know is snowed today. Some schools were closed, transport was disrupted and everyone complained about how cold it was. What do you expect? It's winter. We live in the UK and not the tropics, why is it always such a shock?

Anyhoo, when I got up this morning, the snow was untouched and everything looked so pretty. However, by the time I left the house it was starting to turn into sludge. Booooo.

As I walked slipped and slid my way to the bus stop, a man walked passed me wearing... Flip-flops!! Kudos for taking on mother nature, but he is just asking for frost bite.

Obviously because it was cold, everyone was wearing about 7 layers of clothes to keep them warm outdoors, myself included. However, when I got on the bus, where the bus driver had turned the heating on full blast. I quickly realised I had too many clothes on and it felt like a sauna. I'm sure I was not the only one suffering in the stifling heat but everyone stayed silent. No one would open a window, trapping in the heat and everyones morning breath. Bleurgh! Seriously, some of you need to be a bit more through with the tooth brush and maybe invest in some mouthwash. Judging by the smell on the bus, some of you have a bad case of the halitosis and are long overdue a trip to the dentist. Oh, and by the way if you are going to cough, cover your mouth. Don't cough in someone's face, that's just gross. Did your ma not teach you anything?

By the time I reached my destination, the snow had gone. Who knows when we'll see it again, what with global warming and all. That was my day in the snow. Not much happened, just came across more things to gripe about. Hope you all had fun and enjoyed it whilst it lasted. Back to school tomorrow kids!

Over and Out.

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8 Jan 2007

I Think My Mum is Going Deaf or Insane

The other day I was sitting at my computer doing stuff, when the phone rang. It was my mum. The following exchange took place:

Me: Hi Mum (I have caller ID so I knew it was her) You ok?
Mum: Hello. What are you doing?
Me: I'm just preparing my invoice (for the freelance stuff I do)
Mum: What? Basketball ??
Me: [Stunned silence]

I could not stop laughing. Maybe I should stop laughing and take her to get some help.

Even from the Black Eyed Peas knows what I am talking about. Watch the first 15 seconds of the clip, you can watch the other 11 mins to if you want, but it's the first 10-15 seconds that are killer. (Thanks Brader Lacdao for showing me this... I laughed till I cried)

Someone else who knows what its like to have Filipino Parents is Happy Slip

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Grumpy Shoppers

This was something else I was meant to blog about before the end of 2006, but didn't get round to it, so here it is.
For Christmas I got myself a part time job in a bookstore for some extra cash. It has been a while since I have been on the shop floor, but it's been ok. What I was going to blog about was: Christmas Shoppers.
Some are nice, some are quiet and some are just downright rude.

Obviously Christmas is the busiest time of year and people seem to go mental in the shops and lose all logic, reason and basic common courtesy. So, here are some tips to think about and prepare yourself for later on in the year.

- Do not tut and groan about having to wait in a queue for ages. If you are going to come at lunchtime, at the same time as everyone else, of course it is going to be busy, so deal with it.
- Whilst waiting in the queue, why not prepare your method of payment so that when you get to the till and we announce the total, you don't look at us like we have asked for your first-born child. Then spend the next 5 minutes rifling through your bag for your wallet.
- "How would you like to pay?" is not a trick question or a hard question, nor is "would you like a bag for that?" The answers are either cash/card or yes/no. Please commit these to memory, as I am sure you will encounter them at a later date.
- A please and thank you would also not go a miss.

These are just the basics.

Anyhoo, Christmas shopping mania is now over so everyone can just relax.
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A Modern Day Mi-Wii-cle...(get it?)

So as I said in my last post, I had a lot to fill you in on. I hope you are sitting comfortably as it could be a long one, depending on how I feel. Now where do I start...

Ahhh yes, cast your minds back to September when I posted about the Nintendo Wii and how I could not wait till it's release.

Well my friends and I had been lusting after it for a while, reading about it in magazines and generally getting giddy with excitement. However, for some reason we didn't buy into the hype that if you didn't pre-order the chances of getting one would be zero. So as a result, come launch day, we all felt like chumps and no one had a Wii. Poo.

We heard through friends of friends who had cleverly pre-ordered how ace the Wii was, and of course there was YouTube. Grrrr. Were we bitter? No. Jealous? Hell yeah!

Bless Mr Barnieh, he had tried to snag me one from somewhere as a Christmas present and had to tell me in the end about his unsuccessful mission. Ahhh, it was the thought and effort that counts.

By this time I had pretty much resigned myself to not getting my chubby little mitts on a Wii until well into 2007. That was until Thursday 21st December, the day I got a Wii [cue chorus of angels].

Remember the film Miracle on 34th Street? Well forget it. This was Mi-Wii-cle in HMV Trocadero. Mr. Lacdao and I were doing some last minute Chrimbo shopping, and we were in HMV picking up some bits and bobs. We weren't even going to go there but did so at last minute, and thank heavens we did. I always find whenever I go in there I get followed by the security guards; maybe I have a face like a criminal, who knows. Anyway, Mr. Lacdao had picked up what he needed and I was eager to get down to the games section, not for a Wii as I had given up on that, but to see what games were available for my DS Lite. The hovering security guard then said:

Security Guard: Getting that for Christmas? (Directed at Lacdao who was carrying a DVD player)
Lacdao: Yeah.
Security Guard: Blah Blah Blah Wii Blah Blah Blah (Can't actually remember what he said exactly, but I remember him mentioning the Wii.
Lacdao: Oh yeah, but they're sold out.
Security Guard: No, we got some in this evening. There are 3 left.
Us: What? You've got Wii's in stock now?
Security Guard/New Best Friend: Yeah, should have 3 left.
Me: What are we waiting for? Let's go..... Thanks (as we skipped off down the stairs)

I then purchased the last of the Wii's that they had. Some other stuff happened in between, but the main point is: I got a Wii!! If we had dilly-dallied any longer, I could have missed out.

So we had a Wii filled Christmas. My mum even got into it. She looks like a crazy person brandishing the Wii-mote.

I have Wii Sports, Rayman Raving Rabbids and have bought Golden Axe and Super Mario Bros for the Virtual console. I still want Wii Play and cannot wait until Jan 12th - Warioware Smooth Moves.

So, that was how I came to be in possession of a Wii. The end.

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5 Jan 2007

I'm Still Alive!!

Hello All.

Hope you all had a merry New Year and that so far it is going well.

I just wanted to let you all know that I am still alive and kicking and haven't fallen down some well. I've been trying to write on this thing for aaaaagggggeeees now and it was just getting ridiculous. So I am going to make a bigger effort. I've got lots to write and really don't know where to start, but in due time I will have you all updated in the latest goings on and random thoughts that I have had.

Anyway, I have just arrived home from the day job. I am pooped. Don't know what to do first, eat (I haven't had anything all day), nap, post for the Shiny sites , laundry... decisions decisions. (Can you see how exciting my life is? Bet you're jealous)

Back Soon.... Over and Out.
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15 Dec 2006

Filipino Bashing

As I mentioned earlier, I have bagged myself a part time job and just in case you were interested it is in a bookshop. Anyway, my main duty involves covering the till during the lunchtime stampede. However, the other day during a rare quiet moment in the shop, I over heard this exchange:

Guy: (as he browses through a book) Oh the Philippines looks lovely, that is somewhere I would really like to go. It looks beautiful.

Ugly Wench: Mumble, mumble, mumble, shit, mumble, mumble.

Guy: What? Is it not nice? Have you been there? But it looks so beautiful. (Continues to flick through book)

Ugly Wench: It's not very nice; there is nothing to see. It's really dirty and smelly and all the people are really rude.

Guy: Oh... (continues to mumble about how it looks so nice)

Guy's mum: Really? It looks like such a nice place and all the Filipinos I have ever met have all been lovely.

Ugly Wench: That is because they are not in the Philippines.

Now if I didn't care about being fired, that Ugly Wench would have promptly found herself with a Filipino shaped dent in her head, i.e. me.

How dare she go around bad mouthing Philippines and Filipinos. For those a bit slow on the uptake, I am Filipino. Now I wouldn't consider myself to be uber patriotic or anything, I wasn't even born there. I was born and raised here in London, but my parents and my family are from the Philippines and a slur against the Philippines is a slur against them, ergo, me and I am not having that.

Did she ever stop to think what a huge sweeping generalisation she was making? Yes, she may have gone to parts of the Philippines that are a little run down and dirty, but the whole country is not a rubbish site. The people she may have met may have been rude, probably because with her stinky attitude, she was rude first. Git.

End Rant.

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I Haven't Forgotten.

You guys thought I had forgotten all about you, well I haven't. I've just been busy as I got myself a little Chrimbo job for some extra spondoolicks. I started at the beginning of December and am now completing my second week and do you know what? Going back to the shop floor has not been that daunting. It's like riding a bike, kind of, not at all but you get my drift.
Well what's with the picture of someone about to hurl you may ask, and the answer is this: I had to call in sick on my second day as I had some weird tummy thing. Some of you cynics out there will roll your eyes and go "yeah, yeah" well it was true. On the Monday night I came over all nauseous and went to bed early and then I woke up in the middle of the night and just started projectile vomiting all over the bath room. This continued all night, on the hour every hour. Not pleasant. Dizzy, weak and unable to stand, I couldn't hold anything down. I felt like the biggest slacker having to call in. I am all better now though. That is the story of my first few days of work, the end.
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24 Nov 2006

What Do You Call Yours?

Seriously people...minds out of the gutters.

The other day Ruvjet was showing my brother and I a scene out of Arrested Development (funny, funny, funny ass sh*t... and I have never sworn on this blog, so that's saying something) where Tobias says something along the lines of "my cellular telephone is a lemon". We just found it so funny that he called it a cellular telephone, oh and it was the way he said it.

Anyway, so I gots to thinking (Carrie Bradshaw stylee) why do some people call it a 'Cell Phone", you know as in "I'm on my cell'' and others call it a 'Mobile Phone'? Well I suppose the simplest reasons are; the first one has just been shortened from cellular telephone and the latter because it is a portable/mobile telephone device. However, what I mean is who decides which one should be used and how does it stick? If anyone knows or can shed any light on this mystery please put your answers on a postcard and send them to Jim'll Fix It.

I personally call my phone Phoney McRingring (no copying now or I'll come and get you!), it is a phone and it rings. I added the 'Mc' for novelty and cuteness factor.

So anyway I decided that until we find out who officially makes these decisions, I am. So from now on it will no longer be called Cell phone but 'Cell Tel' and Mobile phone will forever be called 'Mopho'... oh no, that won't work.

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20 Nov 2006

It's That Time of Year...

..When we start getting bombarded by adverts on TV about giving and sharing....GERMS!!

You thought I was going to say Christmas didn't you? Well it's that time too but that is not what I (or the advertisers) are interested in.

All year you don't see this kind of proliferation of adverts for cough and flu medicine, even though I'm sure these germs are around then to. Yes, they may be laying low attacking the random person, but they certainly don't pack their bags and head off on holiday for the rest of the year.

Due to these adverts, instead of the warm fuzzy Christmas feeling, I worry about if someone has washed their hands after they sneezed or what germs are lurking on that door handle. Thanks very much Ofcom !!

I suppose we can't all be as lucky as my pal, whose work actually provides it's employees with a free flu jab. What a sweet deal.

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16 Nov 2006


Hey Ho Blogaroo's.

I got some good news yesterday that I thought I would share with you, I gots me a blogging gig with the lovely people at SHINY MEDIA.

I'll be contributing to their fashion sites: Catwalk Queen, The Bag Lady, Kiss & Make Up, and Shoewawa.

It all panders to my girly tendencies shoes, bags, make up and clothes...woo hoo.

So keep an eye out for my name at the bottom of the posts.

See you here or there, i'll be somewhere in the blogosphere.

Over and Out

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15 Nov 2006

Move over Delia..there is a new chef in town.

Look past the poorly lit picture and look at the lovely cake. Why? You may ask, because I made it!

Yes, that's right. I donned a chef's hat and baked a birthday cake for my cousin.

Ok, maybe I cheated a little and used one of those bake-a-cake mixes (where all you have to do is add a couple of eggs and milk and then as if by magic a cake), but I still mixed all the ingredients and decorated it myself.

Mmmm, under the icing was a moist chocolate fudge much sugar but oh so yum!!

So with this new found confidence in the kitchen I will be tackling a few more receipes, i'll keep you informed on how I get on.

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13 Nov 2006

Brokeback Mattress

No, people get your minds out of the gutter!! Sheesh.

I woke up this morning in pain and spine all out of alignment. As I moved, I heard a few vertebrae crack back into place. I hate the sound of bones cracking.
That's it, I need a new mattress!

I've known for a while now that my mattress needs replacing but have not gotten round to it. I am one of those people who likes orthopedic mattresses and find mattresses that you just sink in to a pain in the errrr... Back.

The search for the perfect mattress begins. Any suggestions?
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9 Nov 2006

Broadband Woes

I the Internet.

It really is an information super highway. Anything you want to know, you can find it, thanks to the wealth of information available at the end of your fingertips.
It has revolutionised the dissemination of information and allows us to do fun things like blogging. Heck, you don't even have to leave your house to meet people. All you have to do is log on.

So after having readily available access to the Internet for so long and getting used to it being there whenever I needed it, like a reliable old friend. You can imagine my reaction should I turn on my Mac and be greeted by a 'unable to connect' message. Arrrrrgggh.

However, in this case seeing this message was a good sign. Why? you may ask. Well pull up a pew and I'll tell you.

I can't even remember when I first got connected to the internet but it was on 56K Dial Up (you know, the one that made the screechy sound as it tried to connect) and my ISP was Freeserve. Back in the day, what did I need it for? email and surfing the net. If I tried to download a song (yes, song-singular) it would have taken me a fair while. Anyhoo... whilst with Freeserve I ditched the dial up for Broadband which was not a smooth transition at all. Modem, filters blah blah I originally received did not work and had to wait for replacements before I could get back on the net.

I don't remember there being the plethora of choice in Internet service providers that we have now, so I never thought about changing. Freeserve became Wanadoo, and as I was an existing customer I just went along for the ride. Promises of ever increasing speed (8Mb, which never happened) and competitive monthly rates.... pah! What I got instead was significant down times and outages which increased in frequency. What the hell was I paying for?

Next chapter - Orange took over Wanadoo and nothing improved, if anything (if at all possible) things got worse. More down times, more outages and I had had enough. I called for my MAC code only to be told by an operator 'it may take a while to generate as a lot of people are requesting them"... now there is a good advert for your service. I got passed on to the obligatory 'what if we give you this XX?' service, to see if they could retain my custom. I was offered a lower monthly fee and (get this) "what if we actually give you the 8Mb you are meant to be getting?"...WHAT?... I thought, if you are offering to actually 'give' me the 8Mb now, what was I paying for before??? Suffice to say I declined their offer and took my MAC code to Be.

So here we are- present day and I am now with Be and It has not been without it's hiccups. (Don't worry not long to go now, before the beginning ties up with the end of the story)
As soon as I received my MAC code, I placed my order with Be. Everything was confirmed and it all seemed quite efficient. I got my email confirming Be was available in my area, when the 1st payment would be debited, dispatch date for my Be Box and the all-important activation date 6th November. I could not wait.

It was made very clear to not plug in the Be Box until connection to my previous provider has ceased, but they could not tell me what time this would be. Morning of the 6th I got up, turned on my Mac and ... poo, still had access to the Internet. I left it alone and figured I would just keep using the computer and when connection dropped it would 'Be' time.. (see what I did there?)
However, I stayed connected. I tried to call Ruvjet but to no avail because the phone line was dead. No dial tone, no nothing, I could not make or receive calls. I then noticed that my caller ID box said 'Phone in Use'... huh?? I was confused.
Called BT who claimed there was no fault on my line and logged the whole farce with Be. I had read on some forums that some people had experienced connection delays but messing with my phone line was apparently not normal.

All of the 7th no change, no Be and no phone. Still had Internet, which was a plus I suppose albeit provided by the people I wanted to leave. I Called Be and was told there was nothing they could do until they heard back from BT.

So here is the good part... I was woken up this morning by the sound of my phone ringing. Woo hoo... my phone line was back in action. I turned on my computer and saw the long awaited for 'unable to connect' message. Yippee. Free from Orange. I plugged in my Be Box and I am away on the information super highway.

Two days late... I can forgive all fairness up until that point they had been very efficient and they did keep me up to date on the progress of my fault. I have high hopes for this ISP so I'll see how we get on.... fingers crossed and lets hope it is the end of my broadband woes.

This Blog was brought to you by the letters




Happy Surfing!!

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6 Nov 2006

Brrrrr... It's Cold

I was at the bus stop the other day, dressed to fend off the chilly air like so many of the others waiting at the bus stop.
I noticed a girl, she must have been cold as she kept rubbing her hands together and walking around as if trying to keep warm. On closer inspection she was wearing: a woolly hat - check, gloves - check, scarf - check, big coat - check... How could she possibly still be cold?

I looked down and noticed, peeking out from underneath her jeans was a pair of open toe sandals and she wasn't wearing any socks or tights!!

Well that is where she is going wrong, no wonder she was cold.
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29 Oct 2006

End of British Summer Time

With the end of daylight saving, winter is officially here.
Good news for some, as it now means that they can start wearing their Autumn/Winter clothes that they started buying back in August.

However, the reason I am writing is this: when the clocks go back there are some people who get excited at the prospect of getting that extra hour of sleep.
What baffles me is that some people fail to realise that you only benefit from that extra hour, if you are already asleep at the time that the clocks go back. You do not continue to get an extra hour of sleep every night during the winter, it is not sleep in lieu. (End Rant)

So as the days get shorter and S.A.D takes hold, just remember to wrap up warm.

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26 Sep 2006

To Run or Not To Run

I was walking to the newsagents today and ahead of me there was this old lady.

I was a fair bit behind her and was just enjoying the sunshine on my way up to the local shops when....

SHE FELL OVER! Flat on her face.

I felt a chuckle rising but instead I started running to try and help her (I am a good samaritan deep down).

Just as I was closing in, the old girl had picked herself up, dusted herself off, picked up her shopping bag and carried on about her day.

I stopped running and thought 'good on ya Doris!' (not really her name but it sounds old lady-ish)

However, I also felt a bit miffed as those who know me know that I hate running. So I felt like I had run for nothing.
Kind of like when you run for a train and just as you get there the doors slide closed. Damn it.

Moral of the story: Don't run, there will be another train/bus along in a minute.
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23 Sep 2006

London Zoo (Get comfy, it's a long one)

My cousin and his wife are currently on holiday in London and are staying with me, so I am their unofficial tour guide. I say 'unofficial' as I am grossly underqualified for the task. I was born in London and have lived here all my life (excluding 2 years I lived in the Philippines) and with my cousin's arrival it dawned on me how few of London's tourist attractions I have visited.

The day they arrived we went to Marble Arch, Oxford Street, Regents Street, China Town and Covent Garden. (Well I had to show them what I know - shops)

So, yesterday we went to London Zoo. It was an excellent day out and I felt like a big kid.

First of all we travelled to the zoo in style, going on the Water Bus from Little Venice. It was a lovely sunny day and perfect for a boat ride. (I love boat rides) the big bonus being, once you disembark the boat bus you are already inside the zoo!

Our first port of call at the zoo was a section called 'In to Africa', where we saw Meerkats, Red River Hogs (smelly), Warthogs (smelly), Giraffes (long eye lashes & freakishky bendy neck), Zebras (who would not come out of their little hut as the greedy little animals were too busy eating), Okapi (great legs) and other such animals.

I can only remember going to the Zoo one other time, but in my mind nothing had changed. It still smells like animal crap.

We went to the aquarium and found Nemo and I came across a fish that disturbed me, the Tambaqui. It was the biggest fish I had ever seen and it was their feeding time. They were being fed apple, kiwi, banana, grapes and carrots. Huh?? Forgive me for being ignorant but aren't these items in short supply underwater? It turns out these fish are native to the Amazon and are vegetarian. Their little mouths are so strong they can crack a Brazil nut open!! (I am still freaked out by this fish)

On our travels I saw this sign and it made me laugh. One of the funniest pics I took (apart form the ones where my brother and I are being loons in the gift shop) was this one...

At the cow pen I was reading the blurb on the sign and was about to take a picture. I don't know why I needed a picture of a cow as I have seen them before, but anyhoo. The cow looked at me and started coming towards me flob and all hanging out of it's mouth. I took a step back as I was not quite sure what it was going to do and it smelt. The cow (who I have named Betty) poked its head out of the gap by the sign as if to say 'yes I am a cow- read the blurb and take a pic you tourist'. (look at its beady eye) eeeek. I did what I thought it was saying and moved on.

I got scared in the Reptile house as they had holograms on the floor of slithering snakes. They obviously weren't real, but they still made me feel queasy. In the 'Bug' section I just felt itchy. They had massive red ants walking across some rope carrying leaves, to explain how they could carry up to a billion times (slight exaggeration I know but I can't remember actual figure) their own body weight. There was no glass case to this little show and some ants were making a break for freedom up the wall.

There were quite a few sections that you could walk into and were free to walk amongst the animals. My worst nightmare was the aviary...I hate birds. I basically ran through that section and didn't look at one bird. Ooo I tell a lie, I saw a peacock.

Before you entered the monkey enclosure you were warned to hide all food and make sure it was not visible. Other monkey related news...

One of the surreal things we saw at the zoo was a Gibbon in a hanging basket. The signs said not to imitate the Gibbons singing as this upset them. (Well they are not going to hit the big time if they can't perform in public or take some criticism)

We stayed at the zoo until closing time and one of the last things we saw was the feeding of the penguins (I love their little waddle when they walk) As soon as the trainer brought out the fish the penguins went nuts and from out of no where all these seagulls appeared. More birds, scary. My brother was hit by a poo bomb from the sky and it landed on his arm, oh how I chuckled.

The last stop was the gift shop. I found this snow globe which I wanted, but I showed some restraint and did not buy it.

I also found these scary gorillas. Why would you buy this? I'm sure any child would be scared of these. They looked like they were fighting to get off the shelf.

I wanted to see the Tiger but it was hiding. I tried get closer but as I turned the corner to get to the viewing window, I saw a teenage couple.. how shall I put it?.. having relations on the bench. They were way past heavy petting.

So that concluded our trip to the zoo... I saw all the animals including the most dangerous of them all, humans.

As much as I enjoyed our trip to the zoo, it must be said that the animals did look quite sad and not very lively. I actually felt bad for enjoying myself.
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20 Sep 2006

Donkey For Hire

See this picture to the right, It accurately describes how I feel.

Let me explain: I have family coming over to stay with me for a couple of weeks and so my mum has been fussing around as if the Queen is coming.

I woke up to find my mum had let herself in. I proceeded to go about my day - brush my teeth and wash my face, when my mum asked me to help her go to the shops and help her get some odds and ends as she would not be able to carry it all. Being the dutiful daughter, I agreed to 'help' her.

Now I thought we would be going to the local supermarket or possibly the local market to pick up some fruit and veg etc. So I didn't make much of an effort and left my house looking a bit like a crumpled piece of paper. All I can say is shame on me, how wrong I could have been.

My mum took me all the way to Selfridges as well as up and down Oxford Street to buy a couple of small animals to cook for dinner (sorry vegetarians) when family finally arrived.
Don't get me wrong I don't put on full war paint to go out and buy a loaf of bread but I do like to look presentable, at least brush my hair.

Anyhoo.. the Donkey part of my story is ... after shopping up a food storm my mum gave me all the bags and said she wouldn't be able to help me carry it home as she had to get back to her house. (Insert look of wide eyed disbelief here - considering my appearance the look could have been mistaken for crazy) It must have been my mistake, I must have forgotten to wash off the sign on my forehead that said 'Donkey For Hire'.

So not only did I look like a hobo, once she had left me with all the bags I looked like a crazy bag lady...look at me go shooting my way up the ladder to trampdom.

I was not impressed.
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